Arsenal v West Brom
After a p*ss poor summer not helped by some of the ropiest weather imaginable the Premiership returns this weekend and geezers everywhere can finally stick two fingers up to walking around Ikea like a plum withe their better halves mumbling about kitchen lamps.


As first day fixtures go the Arse against the Baggies doesn't really get me that exciterised truth be told as I'm convinced Arsene Wenger's men will have too much here. Wenger, who a few weeks ago looked as though he might struggle to put a team out this season with players jumping ship faster than rats on the Titanic, will rest assured have his boys up for this. And while the 2/9 quotes knocking about for the home win should be left strictly to the big-hitters among I'll definitely be dabbling on the 9/4 about Theo Walcott scoring in the match. Although still a teenager Walcott is developing into a serious cup of tea as a player and I'm convinced he'll get his fair share of goals this season.
Betting: Walcott to Score Anytime at 9/4

Bolton v Stoke City
Bolton's transfer dealings this summer have been iffy to say the least (I mean Danny Shittu? I ask you!) and for this reason I don't see them pulling up many trees in the league. They should have enough about them to see off new boys Stoke City but I'd rather contract dysentery than touch them at odds-on.

Newly promoted sides oftehn punch above their weight early on in a season and Stoke have made one or two decent buys in the off season. The likes of Dave Kitson and Seyi Olofinjana have been brought in and the latter might be worth a bet to score here. The big Nigerian likes to get forward and will be one of City's better performers over the next nine months.
Betting: Olofinjana to Score Anytime at 13/2

Everton v Blackburn
The Everton squad is a sight less folically challenged this season since the departures of Andy Johnson and Lee Carsley but their lack of transfer activity has to be a worry for Blues fans. So too does the recent injury picked up to the influential Steve Pienaar and I can't have them at odds on in places here. Blackburn may have lost David Bentley but there is plenty of quality in their ranks and they will all be out to impress new boss Paul Ince. I'm all over the 3/1 about the away win.
Betting: Blackburn to beat Everton at 3/1

Hull v Fulham
Everyone reckons Hulls will be the new Derby this season but I've already bet a mate of mine 100 bags of Nobby's Nuts that they will end up with more points than the hapless Rams did last season. They'll still probably finish bottom of the pile but I fail to see how anyone can struggle quire as badly as Paul Jewell's side did last year.

The Tigers will be well up for this one and while a win might be beyond them I'm confident they can claim a share of the spoils.
Betting: Hull and Fulham to draw at 23/10

Middlesbrough v Tottenham
If there is a credit crunch nobody has mentioned it to the suits down at White Hart Lane with Spurs spending dough like upper class crackheads this summer. Bentley, Luka Modric and Giovani dos Santos have all been brought in to try and help Tottenham challenge the 'Big Four' and if they are going to do this they need to be getting results against the Middlesbrough's of this world. A win on Teesside is not beyond Spurs but I reckon they might need to score a few as I fancy Boro, and Afonso Alves in particular, to score. The more I see of the big Brazilian the more I like and if you can snaffle up 2/1 about him scoring every time he plays this season you'll be doing alright.
Betting: Alves to Score Anytime at 2/1

West Ham v Wigan
If someone had told me 15-20 years ago that West Ham would be shelling out £5million for a right-back I'd have bitch slapped them on the spot. My oh my how times have changed. Valon Behrami has been brought in by the Hammers to try and plug the gaps at the back and it's my hunch that the Swiss international can celebrate his Premiership debut with a win and a clean sheet so get on the Londoners to 'Win to Nil' at a more than acceptable 21/10.
Betting: West Ham to 'Win to Nil' at 21/10

Sunderland v Liverpool
Let's call a spade a spade here. Liverpool were a crock of steaming sh*t against Standard Liege in midweek and if they play anywhere near as badly on Wearside they will get a spanking off Sunderland. However, Rafa Benitez will have all his big guns out and the word is that Fernando Torres and Robbie Keane are going to be the best big man - little man combo since Saint 'n' Greavsie in the coming months so I'm willing to have a few shekels on the latter scoring first at 11/2 at the Stadium of Light.
Betting: Keane to score first at 11/2

SUNDAY

Chelsea v Portsmouth
Chelsea have gone for quality rather than quantity in the transfer market this summer while at the same time getting rid of plenty of dead wood (including the irascible Khalid Boulahrouz, who was more to be pitied than blamed). Their pasty-faced oligarch of an owner might have a few tricks up his sleeve before deadline day but their current squad should be too good for Pompey at the Bridge. However I have a sneaky feeling they might need to be shocked into life in this one so am going to have a flamboyant play on them winning from behind.
Betting: Chelsea to 'Win from Behind' at 6/1

Aston Villa v Manchester City
I'm starting to warm to Man City. Any team whose chairman jumps bail in his native country instead of facing some serious corruption charges is OK by me.
However given the current 'Carry On' atmosphere prevailing at Eastlands at the minute I'm not sure I can put my faith in them to beat a Villa side who scored some notable wins last season and who seem to be moving in the right direction. It's not a game to go throwing the rent money at but Villa to win at odds against looks fair enough.
Betting: Aston Villa to beat man City at 11/10

Manchester United v Newcastle
There are home win bankers and there are home win bankers and the Red Devils definitely fall into the latter category this weekend. 2/7 they may be but I am more certain of ManYoo beating Newcastle than I am of Tuesday following Monday this week. In fact I'd have my life savings on them if they weren't already tied up on a women BMX biker in the Olympics. The hosts might be without the services of the world's richest 'slave' for a few weeks yet but I reckon Paul Scholes can take over the Ronaldo scoring role here and I fancy the Ginger One to continue his fine scoring record against the Mags at OT.